Tagged: New York City

Characters of Times Square: It’s Time To Go Away

ElmoCharactersTimesSquareBZ2

Did everybody get their photo with one of the 25 imitation Elmo’s in Times Square yet?  Cuz it’s high time that weird looking Batman, cross-eyed Mickey and the bizzaro cast of Sesame Street are ushered out through the Lincoln Tunnel to creep people out in some other city.

These characters are a nuisance for many millions of reasons.  Here are but a few…

New York City is not an Amusement Park…nor is it Hollywood Blvd…or a Nick Jr. program…

Tourists are great – seriously, come one! come all! – but this city isn’t a children’s party.  This is New York f***ing City:  the world capital of media, fashion and finance.  Plus, home to the most iconic locations from your favorite movies and TV shows and host to some of the world’s best art, music, architecture and crazy people on the subway.  WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM US?!?  If you’re looking for furries – great.  No judgement, that’s your thing.  But please take your fetish to Disney World or a sex shop.

Don’t kill our vibe.

For better or worse, tourists in NYC spend most of their time in midtown.  And while most residents avoid the city’s midsection like one of those people holding a blue clipboard on the sidewalk, the neighborhood has great sights, activities and restaurants that work towards giving our city it’s great reputation.  But this swath of characters have cast a spray of colossal cheesiness onto a city that’s known around the world for it’s effortless cool.

They’re raping everybody out here.

theyrerapingeverybodyouthere

Just short of pickpocketing, these characters are lying and bullying people for cash tips in exchange for photos…that YOU take yourself…with YOUR camera.  To combat sneakery, the NYPD has been distributing flyers to warn tourists that tipping is optional.

But not to be thwarted, the characters altered their stories by telling people that their tips are being donated to charity.

They’re not even good!

They don’t call it “the greatest city on Earth” for no reason.  So if you’re gonna parade around one of the busiest and most iconic public areas in the world, the LEAST you can do is put a little effort into it.  Case in point…

Dude, put the head on…

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Last checked, Spiderman doesn’t wear a fanny pack.

Spiderman fanny pack

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Not So Great Voice

The not so relevant anymore Village Voice has come out with a list of the 50 Reasons to Be Pretty Damn Euphoric You Live in New York City.

Highly distinguished writers @thisisjendoll, @mylestanzer, and @avenyc could learn a thing or two from the far superior snarksters over at Gawker and NYMag when it comes to boasting about the city.  There’s a sublte, but very large difference between NYC pride and sounding like a snotty a-hole.

Jump for the complete list, but these are a few that stuck out as especially obnoxious, juvenile, and embarrassing for all NYC residers.

41. We get the inside jokes. Because, actually, we made them up in the first place.

39. Sure, we work out next to Alec Baldwin, Padma Lakshmi, and Bridget Moynahan, and walk the streets with Willem Dafoe, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Tina Fey, but, really, we’re kinda too busy with our own lives to notice.

30. The fact that one-bedroom apartments cost an average minimum of a half-million dollars means we think nothing of spending $12 on lunch.

10. Subway rage. Bike-lane rage. Walking rage. Random rage. These are our therapy. Although we all go to therapy, too. No judgments! We bitch, therefore we are.

1. If you can make it here, you really can make it anywhere. But why would you bother to go anywhere else?

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